I was reading Deepak Chopra, on a remote beach on the Washington coast. He also says that when you see yourself as separate, words seem to matter much more than being.
Words. I need to use them to define my experiences don’t I? Yet, seeing myself as separate in a stress fueled fog… takes me away from being. Stress keeps the mind full of words and reasons we are not enough. The mind doesn’t stop. How do I sort out the thoughts from my own spirit’s wisdom?
Last week I took myself off the grid. I gave myself permission to just take off, to pack up the car and go. Such freedom! Getting away from all the things my mind thinks I HAVE to do, RIGHT NOW and, going to nature would I knew, bring me to the place within that I needed to be. My being, my spirit.
Getting to Shi Shi beach was a challenge, which is where my spirit wanted me to go. I thought about a couple of places that I love and they felt heavy but when I thought about this remote area it felt light.
Logistically I needed a bear can, camping permit, fuel, food, stove, tent, rain gear. I packed it in the car and drove to the ranger station to get the permit. The drive out into the Olympic National Park was beautiful, the northern coast is stunning.
The night at Hobuck campground was uncomfortable. So many other campers , their music, kids and the fireworks! Loud explosions had my third chakra fly open and I was surprised that I actually slept that night.
I was uncomfortable as I put up my tent and tried to locate the water and the trail to the beach. I felt like an outsider, separate from the rest. I didn’t feel like engaging in conversation.
I dipped into the book, The Shadow Effect and read Deepak Chopra’s chapters about consciousness and the shadow. I had intuitively picked up the book from the shelf before I left and knew it was the right one. The words were messages for me across time and space.
“When you see yourself as separate words seem to matter much more than being.”
When I struggle to find words to explain myself to myself I fail. The more I try the worse it gets . Hence the retreat.
The next day I packed up and drove further into the Makah reservation. I parked half a mile from the trailhead and spent time packing my backpack. The bear can took up most of the room. As I hiked into the forest my goal was to experience. To experience what I sensed, felt and to listen to spirit. I made an offering of thanks at the trailhead to all the guardians of the land and the tree spirits.
As I walked I found myself mentally reaching for the future, where would I get water from?, where would I camp?, trying to fix any problems ahead of time.
Then I would hear my spirit remind me to,” just be, pay attention and enjoy the hike. “
The trees were dramatic and covered in dark moss. There was a beaver pond. It was quiet. The mud on the trail sucked at my boots. The end of the trail was a steep hike down onto the trail behind trees, the beach in front of them.
I felt unsettled, uncomfortable and the whole place felt dark and creepy. I could tell that the energy was heavy, sad, and laden with despair.
Once on the beach I took off my pack and sat for a while. I didn’t feel light or happy that I had arrived. I still felt uncomfortable. I walked along the beach and looked at the rocks, the waves and the stones and seaweed. This was worth it.
In the distance I saw many tents and there were people wandering the beach just like me. I sat down again, I was exhausted but oddly, not hungry.
I started a conversation with my spirit and guides, why did you bring me here? What was it that you wanted me to experience? I tried to imagine putting up my tent and sleeping on the beach, I had a feeling of dread and heaviness. I thought about going back to the car and my heart felt light. But I also felt silly. Why come all this way only to turn back? Maybe I had been wrong in following this impulse.
I got the message that I was supposed to listen to my spirit, listen to my inner voice and do what it said to do. So, I checked in with myself. I knew that I didn’t want to sleep here for the night let alone 2. So, I let myself follow the impulse to leave and hike back to the car. Just as I decided this, four ravens flew above me, letting me know that yes, it was the right decision and that things will be revealed.
My pack felt even heavier as I trudged thru the dry sand and back into the trees. The 2.5 mile hike back was a 2 hour prayer. I was guided to speak out loud the intentions and prayers for each person I was carrying in my heart. And each prayer was different. The words chose themselves. I felt myself releasing energy and felt lighter. Tears came too as I released.
It was on the hike back that I got the message from spirit. “We needed you to be uncomfortable. Just because the end result isn’t what you expected doesn’t mean it’s a failure. Getting to the end result (of a destination, a goal, an experience) gives you information. So you can reorient to the next place you want to go. The destination is not as important as how you get there. “
In my mind I plan out what I think the end result will look and feel like, which is a necessary part of visioning the future. Yet when I reach the destination it’s different to what I imagined, and if I stay in my mind I can only see it as a failure. I can only see that which is NOT what I thought. What spirit is saying to me is that the journey gives me far more valuable information and insights which shape my understanding of growth and momentum.
There are `wins` that I’m not noticing because I’m seeing through the lens of `not` or `failure`. And when I’m attached to what the outcome shouldlook like I’m not leaving room for spirit to do the magical work on my behalf. I’m just a tool that spirit uses and when I listen to my mind I crowd out spirit.
I reached my car and sat there asking spirit what to do now. Drive. I j stayed present to my surroundings, senses and sprit and began to talk out loud. It was fun to have this conversation and get answers. “Notice what’s around you. “ And I was told to name the things I’m grateful for.
Another 2 hours of talking to spirit and listening to where I should go next and what I should do. I ended up in Port Townsend, in a hotel, which spirit led me to. I felt lighter and free. Happy and whole.
My experience in all this was that of coming back to Wholeness, which is where God or Oneness resides, which is what we are. In Wholeness there is no separation from God or from other.